The Results Are In

See what happens when you mix:

3 writers
An East Village Tiki bar
High-octane beverages

An Ode, Inspired by Olds

Jetset Jenna writes:

Sitting between Martinique and Nikkolina at the Sharon Olds poetry reading at NYU last week made me feel like I'd landed in writer heaven. Okay, so there was no free food (not even hummus), no free Zinfandel and no free t-shirts. But we were there for the poems. We were ready to be wowed by the woman some say is the greatest American poet alive today. And they may be right. Sharon Olds is da bomb. She rocks the English language hard. She's funny, generous and brave. She writes about her painful childhood, the complexity of relationships, and odes to all sorts of things, like tampons and condoms. Sharon Olds has inspired me to write an ode. It's called:

"Ode to the Jeans That Make My Ass Look Hot"

Thank you
Jeans that make my ass look hot
For holding up your end of the deal
The others
Tri-folded beneath you
High hopes, but nope
There's no fooling the ruling class
Dark droopy denim
Causing disappointed double-takes
Powder blue too tight
Camel lips all night
Not in fashion since '92
But not you
Perfection in shape and stitch
Color of a blue-grey sky
Like wet streets
Houston
or Delancey
After a morning rain
There's a stain
I can forgive
Because the backside
Is where the action is
Where the wear is what is best
Pert, maybe, not quite
But thanks to you
Round and snug
Like two lovely pillows
For sitting on

I Climb; Therefore, I Write...

Jetset Jenna writes:

Several years ago my dad and I discovered we share a passion for mountain climbing. That's not to say we actually climb mountains. No, that's dangerous. We prefer to sit in the comfort of our own homes and read about other people's climbing adventures. The book that got me started was Jon Krakauer's bestseller Into Thin Air. I loved the drama, the danger, the packing lists. I learned new words like "sherpa," "crampons," and "pulmonary edema." I was hooked instantly and my collection of mountain climbing books began to grow. Reading about individuals with successful careers and families who spend ungodly sums of money to risk their lives to climb the world's highest peaks is utterly fascinating. These people--men and women of all ages, from all walks of life--feel the pull of the mountains and must climb them. Luckily for us armchair enthusiasts, just about everyone who's ever climbed Everest, K2, or Aconcagua has also written a book about it. Some books chronicle the long careers of climbers like Reinhold Messner whose book Free Spirit includes details of his many mountaineering accomplishments. Above the Clouds by Anatoli Boukreev is an eye-opening diary into the true life and journey of a controversial climber. Other books focus on the horrors of high-altitude climbing such as In the Zone: Epic Survival Stories From the Mountaineering World by Peter Potterfield. Survival stories in general are the real draw to mountain literature, especially if they contain tales of frostbite, lost appendages and mountain sickness followed by a major comeback. Beck Weathers' book Left For Dead is about his ordeal during the 1996 blackout on Everest that resulted in several deaths. Weathers, a pathologist from Texas, was literally left for dead during a blizzard, found his way back to camp, and later had his frostbitten hands and nose amputated. All the gruesome details are there and best of all, now Weathers is an inspiration to others. Now that's a story! The question every climber has been asked, Why climb the mountain? has a standard answer, Because it's there. But I wonder if sometimes a more accurate answer would be, Because then I can write a book about it. Either way, I'm glad they're out there climbing the high peaks and then finding the time to chronicle their adventures. That way I too can reach the summit of the world's highest peaks. From the comfort of my couch.